“Forward this in 10 seconds to 100 people or you’ll die at the hands of the creepy Japanese girl in this photo, as she somehow manages to do The Ring thing and crawl out of your computer screen TONIGHT”.
As the forwarding of emails like this has decreased, the common misconception that people are less gullible than they were in the naughties has thrived. It’s a lie. You only need a Facebook account with a few friends of friends to see that chain messages are still popular in the 8-15’s age bracket (anyone older than this who posts a chain status should be removed from your friends list immediately – and preferably also from the internet altogether).
For this reason, I have compiled a handy guide on what statuses you should NEVER repost, and just in case you’re still not convinced, why you should never repost them.
1. “Like my status if you think I’m cute/want to date me/think I’m a good friend…”
What may be looked upon as a cute time-wasting status, in reality, tells me one thing about you: you are an attention whore. An attention whore who clogs up my newsfeed in their quest for likes and comments.
You already know exactly who will like this (if anyone), and they will be the same people that repost it, so please, put it in a private message. Or, don’t post it at all. The world will thank you.
2. “Like my status and I’ll tell you why we stopped being friends/one thing I dislike about you/why I hate you…”
Please tell me, when has publically dissing someone you apparently know well enough to be “friends” ever been a good idea? Never, that’s when.
If you want to start drama with someone, have the guts to do it in person. Or, y’know, at least do it via text. Facebook fights just make you look bitchy and cowardly, and will most likely lose you friends quicker than you can make them.
3. Any status that involves you rating other people/your “friends” rating you
I don’t care whether it’s by colours, numbers, hotness or radioactivity, someone is always going to get pissed about what you’ve rated them, or you’re going to get upset about at least one of your ratings.
And what did we learn in point 2 about facilitating drama on Facebook, kiddies? DON’T DO IT.
4. “REPOST THIS if you’re also a mum/dad/sister/grandma/military wife/Royalist/velociraptor…”
Perhaps the most irritating of all, is the infernal, obvious, nauseating statuses about how PROUD you are and how much you LOVE various people/things. If my computer has to handle one more of these I’m going to need server support.
You love your kids even though you’re run off your feet? Well done, you’re just the same as every other parent. You just want to show your pride for those fighting in the war against terror? Great – why not tell them, or give money to a charity.
Remember, no matter how much you relate to the status, reposting it does not make you special or unique, just as it hasn’t for the 12,000 others that have also posted it.
5. Any status that involves money.
Really? Do you really think that someone is actually going to give you a share of their Lottery win, just because you reposted their status? Do you really think that someone will give money to a charity because you reposted something?
Sorry kids, but it just don’t work like that – I doubt even Facebook themselves have the ability to track the number of times a status has been copied and pasted. You might just have to play the Lottery or give money to charity yourself.
6. “Your account will be deleted unless you repost this.”
Aloha, gullible fools who have no idea how Facebook works. Repeat after me: Facebook will not delete my account unless I post something offensive, or impersonate someone I am not.
All you do when you repost something like this is show how idiotic the human race can be. I will make one request: if you don’t know what the terms and conditions of Facebook are, don’t bloody use it.
Basically, don’t post a chain status. You wouldn’t clog a friend’s toilet (intentionally that is) so don’t clog their News Feed.
Now go repost this to your Facebook wall so everyone knows how much reposting stuff annoys the world. It doesn’t count. Honest.
Image by: zeeweez