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10 Reasons Why Mothers Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Join Facebook

At this moment in time the social networking site Facebook is on track to hit the one billion user mark in 2012 – wow!

Although it’s still possible to remember a time when FB was a mere twinkle in the Zuckerberg boy’s eye it has quickly become part of our lives with over 400 million users logging on every day.

The appeal of connecting with people is huge and from organising birthday parties to volunteer work to democratic revolutions, there’s not much that you can’t achieve if you put your mind to it.

On average, FB users have 130 friends and no matter how selective we can be it’s always nice to receive a friend request, or is it?

It’s the moment we all dread. The message that says you have a new friend request but it’s not someone who you’d automatically describe as a friend. In fact, it’s someone who really should know better – it’s your mum.


First you spend my teenage years invading the sanctity of my bedroom and now this!

But how do you let them down gently?

How do you explain that it’s not them, it’s you?

Below are just a few reasons why mothers shouldn’t be allowed on FB – let’s stop this madness now!


THOSE photos

We’ve all got photos that were taken in the heat of the moment. When perhaps we’d had too much to drink or perhaps we’d just decided that it would be a good idea to expose our body parts.

Yes, your mum would dearly love to see photos from your gap year but no, she would not appreciate why you were planking, half naked, surrounded by milk bottles and a giant cardboard cut-out of David Beckham.


She might write something inappropriate

Mums, bless them. All they want to do is show you that they care. From cooked dinners to knitted jumpers there’s not much that a mother won’t do to express her fondest sentiments. However, once they get onto your FB page you can never guarantee that their love won’t spew over in the form of a message that’s way too personal.

  • I love you son xxx
  • Don’t forget Nana’s birthday at the weekend xx
  • Only mum here just hoping you have a lovely weekend – big kisses

Sweet – yes

Appropriate for your friends to see – no

She keeps asking you to send her farmyard animals

There’s nothing that a computer loving mum likes better than a game and from Farkle to Farmville, she’ll stop at nothing until she’s completed the lot

The only trouble is that she thinks you want to join in

No I don’t want to answer 50 questions about TV advert

No I don’t want to send you a virtual hamster

No I don’t want to play Scrabble (well, maybe, but not now!)


She comments on your ‘cool’ and ‘radical’ updates

You’re quite happily rocking in your own little FB world writing challenging status updates and sharing articles that you’ve read on the Guardian website – yeah, you’re young, rebellious and down with the kids.

Unfortunately, your mum knows better.

Don’t rely on your mother not to post comments like:

You know your father votes Conservative!


What’s wrong with the Daily Mail?

Being tagged in childhood photos

Everything’s going well. You’ve just met a new person and they seem to be pretty cool. You invite them to be your FB friend and are happy for them to view your library of interesting and, let’s face it, hilarious photos from around the world when suddenly – bang – you’re two years old, you’re naked on a rug and you’ve been tagged.

Don’t assume that your mum won’t be able to scan those embarrassing baby photos – scanners are pretty cheap these days and a weekend spent with your techie uncle or the whiz kid from next door is all your mum needs to make your world come crashing down before your very eyes.

Talking in abbreviated text speak

It’s all well and good for modern mums to use the internet and social sites but when they start trying to use abbreviated speech such as gr8 and lol then things have to stop.

I did hear of an example of a mother congratulating her daughter on exam results by writing WTF. The bemused daughter casually asked what her mother meant by WTF. To which the mother replied – doesn’t it mean: Wow that’s Fantastic?

They start befriending your friends

Not only are mothers after you, they’re after your friends too. This wouldn’t be so bad if your friends didn’t except your mum’s request but they do and as we all know, our friends aren’t as careful as us when it comes to what they publish.


Who pokes anymore? Mums do, that’s who.

If I’ve seen a message that says that I’ve been poked by my mum once, it’s too many times!

They talk about FB comments away from FB

There’s a sort of unwritten rule that what’s mentioned in your status update shouldn’t really be discussed in real life.

For example if I write: ‘God I hate Mondays’ I don’t want my mum to ring me up on Monday evening and ask me if everything’s ok.

This sort of belies the reason for using FB as an escape from normal life. I write a lot of status updates that I’d never confer in the day to day world.

Mums don’t get this – they can’t differentiate between what’s written and what’s said, probably because this is the most contact that you’ve had with them since you left home!


Who wants to see their mother’s relationship change to ‘It’s Complicated’?

Chris’s mother isn’t one of his Facebook friends because of several very interesting photos from his gap year in Australia!

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3 Replies

  1. Great tips here. It is all about hooking your reader and keeping them there. Unlike what they taught you in grade school you definitely want to front-load and lead with your best stuff. It is all writing to attract.

  2. Really enjoyed this, suppose it can go equally well for the dads, but funny none the less

  3. Thank goodness my mom is very old to use facebook..I have friends that send me invitation from different kind of apps that I have no idea how to lay it.

    I enjoy reading your post! funny at the same time I can relate.

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